Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas

If I were ol' Santa, you know what I'd do
I'd dump silly gifts that are given to you
And deliver some things just inside your front door
Things you have lost, but treasured before.

I'd give you back all your maidenly vigour,
And to go along with it, a neat tiny figure.
Then restore the old color that once graced your hair
Before rinses and bleaches took residence there.

I'd bring back the shape with which you were gifted
So things now suspended need not be uplifted.
I'd draw in your tummy and smooth down your back
Till you'd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks.

I'd remove all your wrinkles and leave only one chin
So you wouldn't spend hours rubbing grease on your skin.
You'd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells,
And you wouldn't hear noises like ringing of bells.

No sore aching feet and no corns on your toes,
No searching for spectacles when they're right on your nose.
Not a shot would you take in your arm, hip or fanny,
From a doctor who thinks you're a nervous old granny.

You'd never have a headache, so no pills would you take.
And no heating pad needed since your muscles won't ache.
Yes, if I were Santa, you'd never look stupid,
You'd be a cute little chick with the romance of a cupid.

I'd give a lift to your heart when those wolves start to whistle,
And the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle.
But alas! I'm not Santa. I'm simply just me,
The matronest of matrons you ever did see.

I wish I could tell you all the symptoms I've got,
But I'm due at my doctor's for an estrogen shot.
Even though we've grown older, this wish is sincere,
Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year. 

(My apologies but I do not know where this was originally from but it is not my original work!! I am not nearly so clever)

Merry Christmas from Hubz and I


  1. Great poem Fiona ,Merry Christmas to you and your family.
    I'm taking a little break from baking;-) hugs Sheila

  2. Love it... Merry Xmas to you and hubby too xxx

  3. Merry Christmas to you & your Hubz Fiona. Hugs,

  4. It's a lovely thought :)
    Merry Christmas

  5. Oh.. if only !!!!!
    Merry Christmas to you too! :)

  6. Oh gee ! thanks and blessings to you and your fasmily

  7. very funny poem...
    Merry Christmas!

  8. merry xmas my friend to you and your love ones Fiona.xx

  9. Merry Christmas to you and your family, Fiona. Nola

  10. What a great poem! I heartily agree. Merry Christmas, Fiona!

  11. ...and a Merry Christmas to you.
    Hugs Tanya

  12. Merry Christmas Fiona and Hubz!
    (great poem)

  13. What a great poem! Love it!

    Have a very merry Christmas!

  14. Merriest of Christmases, to you and yourz.

    From a matron in Arizona (great poem!)

  15. I can see Santa is heading my way, I am quite sure:-) Lovely poem! Merry Christmas to you.

  16. A very Merry Christmas to you and Hubby..Michelle xx

  17. Merry Christmas and have a lovely day...thank you for the smile you gave me with the if only Santa could....

  18. Joyeux Noel to you and yours from me and mine! xxx

  19. Love that poem Fiona LOL

    Merry Christmas to you and Mr Hubz ....... and please be gentle on that one lovely grandie you get to hug tomorrow, don't squeeze him too hard!

  20. Merry Christmas Fiona.

  21. Merry Christmas Fiona to you and yours!!!




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